my friend

just got back from koh samui yesterday. i must admit that i have an enjoyable time with so many things to see and do...but this is not im going to write about.

on the 25th of march, 2005, i lost one of my best friends. benny was on a recce trip with isaac and jocelyne to an elephant sanctuary in kuala kandah in pahang when he left all of us behind. it was ard lunchtime.

i first knew it when i was the return trip on the ferry from samui. me and xj were happily taking pictures and videos. then, a phone call from larry came to xj's phone. at the same time, i checked my phone for messages and missed calls. by now, xj was looking serious while i sensed something wrong. then i realised benny had a message sent to me.

"benny had a fatal accident.....wake is at ubi...."

"huh??" i thought. i did not know what "fatal" meant when i read the message. xj passed the phone to me in tears. then the confirmation came from larry.

for one and a half hours, i was trembling and limp on the boat....

i first knew about benny when he was playing basketball for catholic high. then we came together in SAJC with boo, frerin, jinn, herbert and winston. boo was the captain of the squad when we were in year 2 while i was the vice capt. benny was the vice vice capt while frerin was the next in line. we were always together in the morning at the basketball table, but i did not know him as well as boo and frerin as we were in different classes.

i only started to know him much better in army and university days. we have similar dreams at that point in time. the both of us just started to learn how to ride at bbdc and we often talked about the types of bike we wanted to ride. we wanted to ride harley davidsons when we get our class 2, so the choice of our first bike wasn't surprising, with me choosing a black rebel and him a chilli red daystar.

in those years, we cheong for our class 2A license but the dumb fart got suspended for driving without a license for 6 months. after finally getting his 2A bike, i jioed him to go for tours.

out first trip was to lake chini in near kuantan. it is farking far for a beginner and he only had 4 hours of sleep before that. he somehow made it through and from den on, he was hooked on motorcycle travelling.

the trip to samui was one that i had wanted to make because benny went there alone on his bike and he told me of how beautiful the place is. he was not wrong. he helped me alot on the trip, telling me to avoid this stretch of road blah blah.

it was hard to ride back after hearing such news. i initially wanted to ride all the way back to singapore, but that would take about 16 to 17 hours and i do not think i can make it, so i made a scheduled stop at hatyai. along the way, i broke down once and had to stop to let myself cry it out. i cannot comprehend losing my friend.

the next day, i rode hard so i can reach back in singapore early. i hoped that if i stained my helmet lining with my tears, i wouldnt do that at the parlour.

but when i reach the parlour, i started to tremble again. i was still in denial of the fact that he is gone until i saw his picture. den i saw him again and i cannot stop the tears.

benny had many dreams. we share many of them. we wanted to go to the angkor wat in cambodia and park our bikes there to take pictures. he wanted to get himself a BMW by mid-year and i was wiating for such a day so we can go touring together again after my exams. he was in the midst of setting up a student hostel before he went for that fateful trip.

it's unbelievable how much fun he brought to me and xj's life. the three of us went to desaru for a day ride to the beach. we had prata at jalan kayu with shirley before the four of us went to malacca for the weekend. i cannot forget how he greets us with his chin tilting upwards saying: " eh, fark u!" i cannot forget the way he drinks his kopi with his meals and how much he loves his ice cream at gelang patah esso after a long ride.

now, i have one less person to call to watch soccer with me at monkeys cafe. i cannot go and explore bike shops with him anymore looking for his next bike.

i remember just last month on a day when we went to bike shops to ogle at bikes and accessories. it was just before his fraser trip. he set his eyes on a helmet. "the first time a helmet turns me on" he said. i wished i bought that for him for his birthday. because he died of his head injuries.

benny, u farker. i dun understand why the fark u have to go first. u said u wanted to go to cambodia. den u dua me.... u were also supposed to meet boo and u still farking owe raymond money. u have so many things u haven done and u go liao... i cannot stand that u made so many pple cry.

im sure pple will tell me: "dun cry too hard. ur friend will know that u all care for him."

but u dun understand. me, boo, frerin and jinn did not lose a friend. we lost a brother.

i hope this is the last time im crying for u because u dun deserve it for dua-ing us.

but i mean my last words to u when i saw u on ur final journey this morning.

i will miss u, my brother.